A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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