it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I forget how to act sober
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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