I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
