He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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