she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
