Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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