we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
