I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
