Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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