3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
