All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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