My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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