worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Buhtt sex?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
