During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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