i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
