i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
