Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
