i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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