FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
