Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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