Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
