You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
