I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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