Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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