weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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