Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
