Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
