If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
