So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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