oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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