i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
