Dual....:-)
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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