Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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