no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
