So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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