My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
