About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
