Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
