i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
