I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
