Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
