Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
