YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
