Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
