Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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