oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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