R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
