I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
