Sry I called you an 8
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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