we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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