I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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